


Closet Love

by Zouis95



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Heartbreak, M/M, Oral Sex, Sexual Content, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-09
Updated: 2013-04-12
Packaged: 2017-12-08 00:31:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/754878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zouis95/pseuds/Zouis95
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry loves Louis, Louis says that he loves Harry too but he is always trying to hide their love, trying to conceal it in the shadows. Harry doesn’t know how much he can take, watching Louis and Eleanor is tearing him apart. Harry will always love Louis and he prays that one day, he will be enough for Louis.</p><p>The story will be in Harry's Point of view.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Harry's POV

I don't know what I'm called, I'm not a boyfriend, but I'm not just a friend. It's hard to explain, I guess I'm the mistress, or the back up. We've had a thing for each other since the X-factor, it's always been obvious, to everyone including us. 

We first kissed at the After party of the finale, I think he made he first move. It was the most breathtaking kiss ever, I knew right then and there that I loved him. I guess he didn't really feel that way for me. He says that he does, he tells me he just needs time, time to break up with Eleanor, time to get around the fact that he is bi, time to prepare himself for the onslaught of hate that is sure to come our way when we come out, if we ever come out. I'll wait forever, that's the sad thing. 

I'm always on the sidelines, it's like I have to stay in the shadows or the band won't work, well that's what he tells me. I used to beg him to leave her, to come out and admit it to the world, but I guess I'm just not that important to him, i don't bring it up anymore. I deserve better, I know I do. But I'll never find anyone like Louis, he is perfect to me, and I know deep down being second is better than not placing at all. I'd rather be getting the leftover love than starving to death. 

I pray that one day he'll have enough courage to love me, really love me. He blames it on the media, he says that he couldn't handle the abuse. I don't think that is the problem, I think he's afraid to love me, he is afraid to commit or maybe he is just afraid to be with a guy. Maybe he thinks that if we aren't official, he is still straight. I don't know, all I can do is guess. He doesn't really talk about it and I don't really ask, if I bring it up I may chase him away and I couldn't handle not having him in my life. 

I wonder if Eleanor knows, she's never said anything but I think everyone close to us knows. The boys know, they are disapproving. They hate the way I'm treated, Zayn gets angry, Niall tells me I deserve better and Liam is just there for me, whenever I need him. I feel like I'm letting the boys down by staying with him, they don't understand though, I would be nothing without Louis.

I feel pathetic, like I'm the other woman. The secret. That's what I am though, the secret. I can never be discovered, I have to stay hidden. I wonder if I'm just sex to him, I don't think I am. I'm sure he loves me but sometimes  
I just wonder. 

I guess this is the way it will be, me playing second fiddle, waiting on the sidelines for the day where Louis finally tells the truth and admits it to himself. I may be waiting forever. 

I wish loving him didn't hurt this much. I wish I would finally be enough for him. I wish I could be the missing piece he needs to live like he is to me. Wishing is useless, I know my fate is to be a nothingness shadow, only loved in the darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

Touring is my absolute favourite thing to do. I love it. One reason would be the fans, the fans are incredible. But the secret reason why I love touring so much, no Eleanor. 

It's not like I don't like her, I love Eleanor. She's great for Lou, even though I'm better. If I can't have Lou I'd be glad to let her have him. I just love when she's not around, undivided attention from the boy I love is one major perk to touring. 

Right now we are on our last leg of the Up All Night tour, in America. We had just done an amazing show in Orlando, we only had one to go. One more show, one show and everything will change. We will go back to London, where Louis will continue this charade of a relationship and I'll be back in second place.

I should just live in the moment, enjoy having Louis' attention but the dark cloud of eleanor is looming over my head.

The day of the last show was tomorrow and we were just getting some rehearsal done beforehand.

"Are you even listening to me?" our choreographer broke me out of my thoughts. 

"No sorry, I'm a bit distracted" I replied, I knew he wasn't going to be very happy but I know it's better to tell the truth than lie, I wish Louis had the same morals.

"Okay let's take five everybody, and when we get back I want your head screwed on okay Harry?" our choreographer stated tiredly.

"Yeah sure" I was ecstatic to have some sort of a break. Touring is hard but the benefits of having Lou to cuddle up to is the best thing in the world. 

"Hey haz, come with me" speak of the devil, Louis didn't give me a chance to reply before he grabbed my hand and lead me to a dark corner backstage. 

"What's the problem Lou?" I stressed, it seemed like Louis was in some sort of a rush.

"Does there have to be a problem for me to cuddle my curly?" Louis cooed, he wrapped his arms around my waist and attached his lips to my neck. 

"Tomorrow's our last show" I stated matter-of-factly. 

"And?" Louis replied with a confused -and adorable- look on his face.

"So what's going to happen with us when we return" I stared right into his eyes, studying his reaction. I know he hates it when I talk about us, he hates labels. 

"We've been over this haz, I need time" Louis pleaded, he wanted me to drop it. I was in no such mood.

"How much time, You love me right?" I asked nervously, I always get afraid he'll just up and change his mind. 

"Of course I love you, that's the only thing I'm sure about" Louis reassured.

"Do you love her?" I've never asked this before, I'm extremely nervous for the reply. If he does, I will be hurt. But if he doesn't, it will open more questions than it answers, like why the hell are you together? I don't know which one I'd rather. 

"I-I don't know" Louis stammered, trust Lou to find the middle ground. I was getting frustrated with these games, I don't know why, they've been going in for long enough.

"I can't just wait for you forever Louis, I love you but I can't" I knew this was a empty threat, hell even Louis knew it was.

"You won't have to, just a little time" Louis replied, obviously trying to end the conversation here. He's in luck because we're being called back to rehearsal. 

"We gotta go" Louis spoke a tad to giddily. 

"This conversation isn't over" and with that we were done with the deep and meaningful and back to the strenuous rehearsal.

Back on stage, I got a pity look from Niall and Liam. They must've heard us or maybe they were just expecting us to argue. We always get like this when we are returning home. 

The rest of the rehearsal went uneventful, I stayed focused and everything fell into place. 

We made our way back to the hotel after, we were all so tired so I guess it was just room service in our individual rooms tonight. 

Me and Louis were staying together, we often do. I think we are boyfriends on tour, I'd never say that to him because the idea would freak him out. 

Eleanor is never spoken of until she is looming in the near future, like joining us here on tour or us returning home. Her name is like taboo, reminding us of the outside world and the disgrace we are.

I often think of her, I feel incredibly sorry that she gets muddled up in this. The sad thing is she doesn't know she's apart of this weird Jacob-Edward-Bella love triangle. Louis being the Bella of course. I pray I'll be the Edward, but like everything else to do with Louis, I can never tell. 

"Room service?" Lou questioned, he already had the menu and was sitting on the bed by the phone.

"Mm just order me whatever, I'm taking a shower" I left the room and left Lou to all the dinner decisions. 

The shower always releases my stress, it came in second to Louis. He was the only one that fit perfectly in between causing and fixing my problems. 

The food was already here when I got out. We ate in silence, it was kinda like a last meal before we return to normality. After we were done we just turned the lights off and climbed into bed. With touring we were just always tired.

My eyes were already drooping in a few minutes of laying beside Lou. I always had amazing sleeps next to Louis. I cuddled close to Lou and rested my head against his chest.

"Night Lou" I spoke tiredly.

"Night haz, sweat dreams" Louis replied, I could tell by his voice he was also on the brink of sleep. 

I felt my eyes finally close and I was out for the count.

* * *

Lou was already gone when I woke up, he must've been having a shower or getting breakfast. I quickly sat up and got out out of bed searching for my clothes on the floor and pulling on some socks. 

I checked he bathroom and found it Louis-less so he must be downstairs having breakfast. I grabbed some shoes and headed out the door, I'd put them on in the lift. 

I made my way down To the restaurant where Liam and Niall were already eating. I joined them at the table, I would just pick food off Liam's plate, I'm not that hungry.

"Good morning boys, how'd you's sleep?" I asked politely.

"Morning, yeah alright" Niall mumbled with a mouth full of bacon.

"Yeah fine thanks haz" Liam followed.

"Have you's seen Lou?" it was weird he wasn't here, I have no idea where else he would be.

"Nah we haven't" Liam replied for himself and Niall. 

"That's weird, I wonder where he went" I wondered out aloud. 

"Yeah" was all the reply I got from the boys, they weren't very discreet with their opinions about me and Lou. 

Liam got a funny look on his face, like he was about to say something he knew I wouldn't like.

"Be careful haz, tonight's our last show" Daddy direction in full force, always sticking his nose where it's not wanted or needed.

"Do you think I don't know that Liam, what am I supposed to do. You both know the situation I'm in, it sucks but there's nothing I can do" I spoke frustratedly, I had enough of being told I was doing the wrong thing all the time. I loved Louis, theres nothing else to it. I'll wait forever.

"You could leave him" Niall's voice was just above a whisper, he knew what he was saying was absolutely ridiculous and that I'm going to be furious.

"How dare you suggest that Niall, you have no idea what it's like. You've never loved anyone so you don't understand. I could never, ever leave Lou. I'd be broken, I would crumble into nothing" I vented onto Niall.

"You're going to end up broken anyway, you're stupid if you think he's going to leave Eleanor" I couldn't believe my ears. I never thought I'd hear these words from Niall, he's never normally this blunt when it comes to Louis. 

"I don't have to put up with this" I spoke as a got up from my chair. Niall didn't even try to stop me which showed me he truly believed what he was saying.

I made my way back up to the room, I went into the room and luckily Louis was here. He was packing his stuff into his suitcase.

"You never normally pack until the last minute, why are you packing a day before we have to leave?" I asked confused, this was completely out of character. Louis looked up from his suitcase with a look of guilt, I've seen that look too many times. The name Eleanor is about to be spoken.

"It's our last show, El wanted to join us. She's going to stay with me tonight, I'm getting a new room. It needs to look like I was staying by myself." Louis spoke with guilt, he knew when he was hurting me and yet he still did it.

"Yeah whatever" I stuttered on the verge of tears. I closed my eyes tight and went into the bathroom, I hate when he sees me cry. I know that we'd have to return to normal when we got home, I just hate feeling like the secret. It was The fact that Louis wanted it to look like we were never staying in the same room that hurt the most, it hurt to know he is thinking of ways to cover us up when he says he's thinking of ways we can come out. 

I waited a few minutes until I heard a door shut, then I left the bathroom to find a neat and abandoned hotel room. Louis is the messy one so my room is always clean when he leaves. 

I prepared myself for a day of excruciating pain, seeing Louis and Eleanor together always killed me inside and today will be no exception.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think x


	3. Chapter 3

"Did you find Lou?" Liam questioned when I returned downstairs, Liam, Niall and Zayn were waiting in the lobby.

"Yeah, he was moving rooms" I replied quietly, it sounded like I'd been crying and I knew the boys would pick up on that. Liam and Niall would be comforting but I worried about Zayn's reaction, he's always very protective and he punched Lou in the back of the head when we were in Australia. He can get very angry when it comes to Louis and the way he treats me.

"Moving rooms?" Niall echoed obviously confused.

"El's joining us for are last show" I stuttered. 

"Aw haz" Liam comforted, he placed a protective hand on my back and pulled me into a hug

"Argh, I'm fine, I'm fine." I spoke, my voice wavering slightly. I broke out of Liam's embrace and walked away.

"I'll meet you's in the van" I called over my shoulder as I walked out of the revolving doors. 

I was in the van for five minutes until someone came out and joined me. Louis slid he door open and climbed into the seat next to me. He put his seatbelt on and cuddled up to my side. Louis always gets super affectionate when he's guilty.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier" Louis whispered.

"It's fine, it was going to hurt me either way" I replied, the hurt evident in my voice.

"I love you, just remember that"

"Yeah, I love you too" I spoke softly, it was hard to stay mad at Lou for to long.

The door opened again and a furious looking Zayn joined us in the van. He looked at our position and scowled loudly, he's about to blow up.

"You're such a user" Zayn spoke softly, he was trying to get his point across without starting a row. I don't know how he thought he could avoid a fight when he says stuff like that.

"Excuse me?!" Louis replied angrily, he hated when outsiders commented on our relationship, he should be used to it now as Zayn is always voicing his opinion.

"You can't just treat him like shit and then cuddle up to him like that, he might not be able to see the real you but I see right through you Louis" Zayn yelled, if he was angry with Louis he didn't need to use me as the excuse.

"I can do whatever i want, He's my boy-" Louis froze, I know what he was about to say, and just the thought of it made me jump with joy. But then I remembered his hesitation, he couldn't even finish the word without freezing.

"Pftt you're pathetic Lou" Zayn scoffed, rolling his eyes as Liam and Niall joined us in the van. 

I moved out of Louis' embrace and looked away from him, I wasn't very pleased with his hesitation over the word boyfriend. 

Niall and Liam could obviously sense the tension in the air, I wouldn't be surprised if they heard the whole thing from the lobby. 

Once they were all buckled in, Liam called out to the driver and we headed towards the arena to prepare for the concert. 

* * *

The tension stayed with us all the way to the arena and throughout the rehearsal, we barely talked at all unless it was completely necessary. Zayn was mad at Louis, Louis was mad at Zayn and I was mad at the both of them. I know Zayn only means well but I can fight my own battles and I don't need him putting his two cents worth in whenever me and Louis have a disagreement.

We had two hours until the show started when I saw the person who was sure to change the atmosphere from uncomfortable, to completely chaotic. 

"Louis!" Eleanor screeched from across the stage. She began to run towards Louis in a completely cliché sorry of way. Louis' face tore me apart, he looked just as excited to see her too. 

Eleanor jumped into Louis' arms and he began to spin her like in some stupid 80s chick flick. They began kissing and I felt my stomach churn, watching this was either going to make me vomit or make me push Eleanor of the stage. 

I went with another option and walked away, I hope it didn't look to obvious that I am upset, not that they'd notice anyway. I knew someone was following me and I turned to see Liam close behind. 

"Harry wait!" Liam yelled from behind me.

"I don't want to talk Liam, I just need a break" I relied frustratedly, it must've worked because the footsteps behind me stopped and I was soon alone with my thoughts. I found my way to the dressing room and collapsed on the couch, I ran a tired hand across my face and willed the tears to cease. I'm sick of crying over this entire situation.

I stayed in the change room until I got the 30 minute call from Paul. I took a shower and began to get dressed with the clothes our stylists had laid out. Four other outfits were laid out so I know the boys will be here soon to change.

Two minutes later and all four boys had joined me in the change room. Louis entered with a very sheepish look on his face, it must be hard for him to live this double life. Zayn looked like he was ready to punch someone and Liam and Niall just looked stressed, this would be hard on them, they're always in the middle. 

This situation is really affecting the band, Louis is driving a wedge between us. 

With fifteen minutes until the show it was now time to go into makeup and hair, so us five boys all sat down while our team worked hard making us look good. When we were all ready we got the five minute warning so we made our way to backstage. The show tonight was going to be very different, I hope the fans don't notice the very obvious tension between us all. 

"Listen, I know there is a lot of drama going on but this is our last show. Let's not go out there unhappy, we all love each other, no matter the drama. So let's go out there and have an amazing final show and kick some ass!" Liam was always a very good motivational speaker, he really got us out of our funk and hyped up for tonight's show.

A chorus of cheers came from us all and we came into a huddle. The atmosphere between us had changed dramatically with just a few words from Liam.

"Let's do this poo!" I yelled earning me laughs and cheers from all the boys. 

We went out on stage and left all the drama backstage. We new this was going to be an amazing performance.

* * *

The show went amazingly, all our troubles were completely gone. We mucked around and just had a ball on stage. We really enjoyed being together and making the most of our final show. 

I was completely buzzing as we met in the van, I felt like I could do anything. 

"Let's go out!" Niall encouraged, eager for this night to continue.

"I'm keen" I approved.

"It will be fun" Liam stated.

"I'm gonna get fucked up!" Zayn replied.

"I'll have to check with El" in that moment, we were all reminded of why we were pissed before the show. Louis is the one and only buzz kill. 

"Nah don't worry about it, I'm not in the mood anymore" I murmured, I didn't feel like watching Eleanor and Louis dry hump on the dance floor.

"Either am I" Zayn joined me.

"I didn't really want to go out anyway" Liam replied guiltily.

"I'll just get drunk in my room" Niall stated proudly.

The van became silent, the all too familiar uncomfortable feeling had overtook the after-show buzz we were all on. 

A uncomfortable look returned to Liam and Niall's faces, a angry look returned to Zayn's and a guilty look returned to Louis'.

The drive back to the hotel was long and excruciating, I just needed to get away from Louis so I could think. 

Once we got back, we split up almost immediately. They all needed their space as much as me. I made my way to my room and just collapsed on my bed. This day had been draining, both mentally and physically. What I needed right now was some sleep and it didn't take long until I was completely unconscious. 

* * *

I felt a little bit better in the morning, It felt as though I could handle the Louis situation better with more sleep. We were leaving for London today so I needed to pack my stuff up. I don't know what Lou will do without me to pack his stuff, he will probably get Eleanor to help him. Like a good little beard.

I wish she was a beard, when they first started going out I swore she was. But as time went by I saw Louis form real feelings for her, and the look on his face yesterday was definitely something to be worried about.

It took me one hour to pack all my stuff, have a shower and be downstairs for our bus that left at 12pm. Everyone but Louis and Eleanor were in the lobby waiting. About ten minutes later, with three minutes to spare, Louis and Eleanor came down carting two very large suitcases. The hotel staff put all our bags in the van and we got inside and buckled in. 

The drive to the airport was quiet, with just a little small talk between Niall and Eleanor. We got to the airport and prepared ourselves for a massive amount of fans to bid us goodbye, we were not disappointed. 

Hundreds of fans came to see us off and we had to travel through a secret entrance to avoid a fuss. Once we were inside we made our way through customs and awaited in a private lounge for our private jet to be ready. 

Everyone was of getting stuff for the long flight so it was just me and Lou sitting alone in the lounge. 

"I need a moment with you, before we go back to London and fake not being together" Louis spoke softly, it sounded like he really did need a moment with me.

"I'm not faking anything, you're the faker" I spat rudely, I don't know why I decided to snap, I just didn't fell like being second best right now.

"That's not fair haz, you know I'd be with you if I could" Louis whispered guiltily.

"Why can't you? Why?" I questioned hostilely, I needed him to be honest with me.

"You know why" Louis murmured.

"I don't think I do Louis" I answered.

"I'm petrified of what people will say" Louis spoke softly. 

"Bullshit! You're love her more, it's as simple as that" my voice was getting higher and I was nearly yelling.

"Shh Harry, be quiet!" Louis shushed.

"No, just tell me right now Louis, do you want to be with me?" I asked.

"Of course I do but-"

"Well then you need to try, and try hard because I've had enough" and with that I got up and walked off leaving a distraught looking Louis sitting alone.


	4. Chapter 4

Planes and awkward situations never go good together. Everyone could feel the tense atmosphere and they could tell it was radiating from me and Louis. Louis was incredibly quiet which is awkward in itself. The bad thing about planes is we are forced to stay in the same atmosphere for hours and we can't go and sort it our by ourselves.

I felt immensely horrible for putting Louis under that much pressure, it wasn't fair if me to request that of him. But he needs to know that I'm serious and I want the truth no matter how painful that could be. 

The flight went painfully slow, each awkward minute felt like an hour. Finally we arrived at Heathrow airport and we were rushed through customs and split into two black cars. Liam, Louis, Eleanor and myself were in one and Zayn, Niall and Paul were in the other. 

If I thought the atmosphere in the plane was bad, than this was absolutely excruciating. Louis was openly sulking and everyone seemed to know it came from a row with me. Eleanor kept looking at me with pity and Liam gave me a look that said "what did you do?," as if I didn't feel guilty enough. 

We arrived at our apartment block and everyone piled out of the cars. Louis walked off without grabbing his bags, forcing Eleanor to carry both hers and his. I saw that she was struggling so I went to help her out.

"Here let me help?" I asked but grabbed Louis' suitcase nonetheless. 

"Thanks Haz" She spoke sweetly, I hated when she was nice because it made me feel even guiltier about what me a Lou do behind her back. Even if she gets him in the end, what we are doing is still wrong, I mean he's cheating. 

"No probs El."

I left mine and Louis' suitcases on the floor in our living room and made my way to my bedroom. The stress from the tour, Louis and the flight had taken a lot out I me and I just wanted to sleep. I laid on my bed, above the sheets and fully clothed but fell asleep within five minutes.

* * *

I awoke to the sound of hushed arguing in the living room of our house. Someone was fighting but trying to be quiet about it. I swung my legs off the bed and got up slowly, steadying myself on the bed. Once I was certain I wasn't going to tumble I made my way down to find out who had awoken me from my unconscious state. 

As I entered the hallway before the living room I could make out two voices having a very clear fight. 

"That person up there is heartbroken everyday because of the bullshit you put him through" I could recognize Zayn's frustrated voice.

"He understands exactly how I feel and he knows how a relationship is" Louis retorted angrily.

"I can't believe you could make excuses for the way you treat him, you actually disgust me" Zayn spat, true disgust was clear in his voice. 

"I don't give a fuck what you think of me, I can do whatever I want!" Louis yelled, his voice automatically turning this fight into a full blown screaming match. 

"Not while I'm around you can't, you leave him alone!" Zayn yelled, matching Louis' intensity. I hated hearing them fight especially about me. Zayn had obviously had enough of the way I'm treated but he doesn't need to come here and fight my battles, I am capable of deciding what's best for me. 

"You can't tell me what to fucking do! I love Harry and I will do whatever the hell I want!" Louis screeched, the fight was on the edge of becoming physical. 

I thought I better step in before this gets too out of hand and they do something that will impact negatively on the band and their relationship. 

"Hey guys calm down" I spoke smoothly as I entered the room. Zayn and Louis were face to face with raging eyes. When I interrupted their eyes snapped to me with guilt.

"I'm sorry we woke you" Zayn spoke softly, "I'm going to go bye." 

Zayn kept his head down and made his way out of our flat as quick as he can. Louis went and sat on the couch and put his face in his hands. He sighed loudly and looked up to meet my eyes. 

"We were trying not to wake you" Louis spoke guiltily. 

"Not very hard obviously" I scoffed, giggling lightly to alter the mood in the room. Louis cracked a little smile and returned his face to his hands.

"I need time" and with that the mood took a sharp turn to serious town. 

"I know, but I'm ready" I returned softly. 

"If you loved me, you'd wait" Louis spoke calmly.

"I've been waiting for two years Louis, I've waited for so long. Waiting would be so much easier if it didn't include a girlfriend." I accused angrily.

"I need El, you know I do. What would they say if I didn't have her to cover for us" 

"I don't care what they would say, I have never cared Lou. As long as I've got you, I don't give a shit what anyone says." I spoke truthfully.

"I wish I was as brave Haz, I really do but I'm not. I'm weak and scared and completely insecure. That has nothing to do with you Harry, they're are my problems and I would love to one day declare my love for you but I'm not ready yet, you're have to wait" Louis huffed, out of breath after his long speech. 

"That is just one of our problems boo" I spoke softly.

"What other problems do we have?" Louis asked confused.

"Eleanor, there is no need for her to be apart of the picture unless you really have feelings for her" I spoke matter-of-factly. 

"I don't Haz, I love you. I'll break it off, I will." Louis smiled as he spoke, like he knew I'd smile at what he was saying. And I beamed.

"Really Lou? How long?" I asked excitedly, I was happy but I didn't know how long he would take to do it.

"Is a month alright?" Louis asked.

"Perfect" I beamed, a huge smile forming on my face. " I love you Lou" 

"I love you too Haz" Louis got up as he spoke, moving to put his hands around my waist and place his head on my shoulders. I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed him tight.

Louis burried his face into my neck and began placing feather soft kisses there. Soft kisses became desperate and before I knew it Louis was sucking on my neck and pulling me close to him.

"What are you doing Lou?" I chuckled lustfully. 

"What does it look like I'm doing Haz?" Louis replied, sarcasm obvious in his voice. He returned to his previous position with his lips attached to my neck. 

Lust clouded my mind and I picked him up and he wrapped his legs around my waist. He continued to kiss my neck as I walked us into the bedroom. We broke apart for me to put him down on the bed and I began to take my clothes off. I moved onto the bed and hovered over Louis. He sat up so I could pull his short off and then I undid his pants and slid both his pants and his underwear in one pull. 

I attached my neck to Louis' collarbone and left my mark. Groans were erupting from his lips as I slowly made my way down his body, sucking everything I can and leaving bruises in my wake. 

I made it down to his already rock hard cock and I placed my hands around it and pumped it a few times. I placed a sweet kiss on the head before I took the hole thing in my mouth and began sucking. I twirled my tongue around the head and hollowed my cheeks, eliciting a string of curse words to fumble out of Louis' mouth. 

Louis tangled his hands in my curls and lightly pushed down, directing me further down on his cock. I allowed him to force my on it and I felt it hit the back of my throat. I heard Louis' breath hitch and his grip on my hair tightened.

"I-I'm close Haz" Louis stuttered, the pleasure affecting his speech.   
I pulled off with a pop and smiled at the grunt that came from Louis. 

"I wanna ride Lou" I spoke softly like it was the most normal thing in the world. Louis just nodded so I went to the bedside draw and found our lube. I poured a generous amount on my hand an pumped Louis with it, making sure he was good and slick. 

I climbed on top of him and hovered my ass above him. Louis grabbed his cock and held it steady while I lowered myself down completely, loving the feeling of being entered. I began raising and lowering very slowly, giggling at Louis' impatient grunts. We soon found a good pace but still reasonably slow.

Every movement meant so much to us and we kept eye contact the whole time. There were no dirty words or desperate and angry sex, this was making love. Louis began meeting me with thrusts of his own which showed me he was close. 

Louis wrapped his hand around me and matched our thrusts. Three ragged thrusts later and we were both coming, Me with my head thrown back and my hands connected to Louis'. Louis came with a cry of my name and filled me up inside. I rose off of him and fell beside him, pulling him to my side and nuzzling my face in his sweaty neck. I place feather light kisses against his neck and whispered I love you over an over. Louis rolled over to face me and placed a kiss against my lips.

"I love you too boo, I really do" Louis whispered. Louis' eyes flustered closed and I could tell he was close to sleep.

"Goodnight Haz" Louis slurred, sleep taking over.

"Night Lou" I chuckled, loving his sleepy voice. I kissed his lips one more time and rolled onto my back, letting sleep take over.


	5. Chapter 5

Harry's POV

 

Soft eyelashes were fluttering against my face, causing a soft moan to escape my lips. I opened my heavy eyes to find Louis floating inches above me with a sweet grin on his face.

"Morning my beautiful boy" Louis singed way to happily for this early in the morning. 

"Mmm-mornin' Lou" I groaned huskily, my voice weak from sleep.

"We have an interview today" Louis sang while he tickled my sides.

"Erh- Lou!" I groaned, shaking side to side to remove Louis' fingers from my sides. 

"Get up boo, we gotta go soon" Louis chuckled, getting up and walking to the bathroom (completely naked) bride turning around to face me.

"If you hurryyyy, you can join meeee" Louis sung cheekily. 

To say I leaped out of bed would be an understatement. 

*

We both got together side by side like a married couple. I helped him pick out shoes, and he chose my jeans. Things had really changed for us and I was feeling so much better. I could tell Lou was really mine now and that soon I wouldn't have to worry about Eleanor at all.

We were met outside by a van with the boys all ready piled inside. We received a cheerful good morning from Niall and Liam but the cold stare of Zayn was enough to turn my stomach. 

"Morning boys, how we feeling?" Louis spoke cheekily, eyeing Zayn to measure his reaction. I forced an elbow into Louis' side and face him a filthy look. Louis returned my stare with a guilty bite of his bottom lip and lack of eye contact. 

The atmosphere switched quickly once Niall made some sort if joke about Liam making Louis laugh. The journey to the radio station went in a blue of fired conversation and guilty glances from Louis. We got out of the car to the regular ear piercing squeals that came with our job. Once we were inside we got ushered down a bunch of hallways and into some sort of waiting room. 

Our interview wasn't for another thirty minutes so we we allowed to look around and get something to eat from the wide selection of vending machines. 

"I'm off to get something, want anything boo?" Louis asked sweetly, I smiled and shook my head. Louis gave me a loving smile before he turned and walked away. Niall had already disappeared and it was just me, Liam and Zayn on a long couch.

"So what dribble of shit did you take this time Haz?" Zayn asked harshly. 

"What do you mean?" 

"Well, Louis would have had to spin some elaborate tale to get back in your pants" Zayn replied annoyingly. 

"I appreciate you looking out for me Zayn, but our relationship is actually none of your business" 

"Whatever Haz" Zayn spoke defeatedly. 

Zayn got up from his chair and walked down the hallway without a second glance.

"He's just looking out or you Harry. We all care so much about you and you deserve the best" Liam spoke softly, unsure of my reaction.

"I know Li and I appreciate all you guys do for me. Louis really does mean a lot to me" I replied sincerely.

"I know he does Haz" Lima smiled, returning to his phone. 

Twenty minutes passed an we were about to be interviewed but Zayn and Louis were still no where to be seen. Niall had returned ten minutes ago with an armful of snacks but Lou and Zayn had never returned.

"Go find them Haz" Niall ordered.

I nodded in reply and got up to search for them. I walked along the long hallway and I didn't find them anywhere. I came to a turn in the hallway and I began to ear voices. My name was uttered a few times and I was to curious not to eavesdrop. I recognized Zayn and Louis have some sort of heated argument once again. Finding these to like this was getting old very fast. 

"As if Lou, you are never going to leave her" Zayn laughed bitterly.

"Well he doesn't know that does he Zayn" Louis replied equally as bitter. A knife had very sharply entered my heart at the words Louis was saying. 

"You're a joke Louis, you've never loved him at all" Zayn spat disgustingly.

"Of course I haven't! He's only worth a good fuck and a warm bed" Louis chuckled evilly.

A brick covered in barbwire thrown at my face would have been a hundred times less painful than the words coming from Louis' mouth. I staggered backwards and fell onto my arse from sheer shock and horror. 

I could hear shuffling and I knew Louis and Zayn had began to fight. I slowly got up, using the wall to steady myself. Once I was sure I wasn't going to fall on my arse again, I ran as fast as my legs could bear in the opposite direction. 

Angry tears has welled up in my eyes and I could tell I was about to break. I found Liam and Niall and crashed against Liam's chest, sobbing hard. Liam automatically wrapped his arms around me protectively. 

"What's going on Haz?" Liam asked, completely overtaken by concern.

"H-Home" I muttered through my sobs. 

"Okay, okay" Liam soothed, running his palm across my back. "Niall could you explain this to management, tell them were very sorry and we will make it up to them." 

I heard footsteps walking away and before I knew it, Liam had guided me from the building and into a van. 

The van began to leave and I clutched onto Liam even harder. My tears began to slow but the pain was just sinking in, words could not describe how low I was feeling right now. 

"P-Please don't take me home" I muttered shakily, my voice raw from sobbing. 

"Shh it's okay, I'll take you to mine" Liam soothed comfortingly.

A short while later, I was stumbling towards Liam's flat with Liam's arm wrapped around my waist, keeping me from falling. I was extremely grateful for the lack of paps, if I was found like this it would be extremely embarrassing and very difficult to explain. 

We made it into Liam's flat and I was guided to his bed, Liam laid me down and pulled a blanket over me.

"I'll get you something to eat, yeah Haz?" Liam asked carefully.

"No! D-don't don't leave me" I stuttered.

"Okay okay" Liam soothed, joining me on the bed. "I'll stay with you".

I gripped tightly at Liam's shirt and pulled him as close as I could. Once I was settled and warm, a new set of sobs hit my body. Liam just stayed there running circles over my back and whispering in my ear until I ha cried myself out and slipped into an exhausted slumber. 

*

I slowly woke to Liam shaking me from side to side.

"Harry wake up" Liam said softly.

"Mmm what?" I replied tiredly.

"Louis is here to see you" Liam spoke very carefully.

"No! Tell him to go! I don't want to see him at all!" I yelled a bit too loud. Liam just flinched and nodded, leaving me alone once again. 

I heard a few hushed words and Liam was back again, this time with a sad look on his face. 

"Haz, he's really upset. Just hear him out yeah? You need to hear his side of the story" Liam added softly.

"Erh! Fuck!" I groaned loudly, "okay I'll talk to him but I'm not promising anything!" 

"I don't expect you too forgive him, just listen."

I just groaned in reply and got out of bed. I looked in the mirror, tried to fix my hair and straighten my clothes. I went out into the living room and Louis was sitting on Liam's couch. The look on his face was hard to understand, it looked like a mix between guilt, sorrow and anger. 

"Haz" Louis said guiltily, like he noticed how absolutely drained I look.

"Whatever you've got to say, say it quick" I exclaimed angrily. 

"What I said to Zayn, I'm assuming that's why your angry?" Louis questioned softly.

"Nah ya think?" I replied furiously, sarcasm dripping from my tone.

"Well I didn't mean it, Zayn was getting on my nerves and the only way I could get back at him was say horrible things about you. I knew that would get him angry" Louis ranted.

"That's the biggest load of shit I've ever heard! Even if it is true, I can not believe you could even say anything like that about me!" I yelled frustratedly.

"Even Zayn knew I didn't mean it, go ask him!" Louis replied, his voice getting higher.

"I'm done talking to you now" I retorted.

"How can I show you I'm sorry Haz, I am killing myself inside!" Louis spoke guiltily.

"Come out with me" I uttered softly.

"What? Where?" Louis replied confusingly.

"No Lou, come out with me" I spoke louder.

"W-What? I-I can't. We c-can't" Louis stuttered nervously.

"That's all you can do" 

"Please Harry! You know I can't! I love you" Louis yelled, tears escaping his eyes. I began to walk back into Liam's room but Louis grabbed at my hands desperately. 

"I love you Harry, please don't leave me" Louis exclaimed.

"I've spent so long wondering what we are Louis. Are we lovers? Best friends? Boyfriends? But we are nothing now. Not friends, not acquaintances. Hell I don't even want to be band mates anymore. Whatever we had, it's over okay? Over!" I yelled into his face.

"You don't mean that" Louis whispered, buckets of tears running down his face.

"We're done Lou, now get away from me" I finalized, ending the conversation by returning into Liam's room and slamming the door.

I heard sobs from the living room and then the front door shut. Leaving me completely alone with the decision I made. Me and Louis were over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all I have written at the moment, let me know if anyone wants me to continue this.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First bit is in Louis' point of view, the first insight in his head :) x

Louis' P.O.V

I've always been great at pushing people's buttons and knowing exactly what to say to ensure they get pissed off. Zayn has always been the easiest because he is the most impulsive and has the biggest temper. I knew he was already angry and I knew how to make him so much worse, so that's what I did. 

I didn't mean a thing I said about Harry, it was the biggest load of bullshit I've ever said. I still can't believe I said it. What the hell was going through my mind to say something so utterly untrue and repulsive. The thought that Harry is just sex and I have no real feelings is completely disgusting and I'm ashamed to even think of it.

I've never been more sorry for anything in my entire life. I will regret this until the day I die. The pain from losing Harry is incredible. I feel numb, but at the same time I feel like a hundred daggers are slowly making their way through my heart. This has finally opened my eyes to what is in front of me, and right now all I can see is Harry. Eleanor means nothing. I can see that now.

* 

Harry's P.O.V

Time doesn't stop for heartbreak, life just keeps on going as normal. One Direction still look like a united front, we still have to be at interviews, we still have to record and I still have to see Louis everyday. I don't know what's worse, the filthy stare on Zayn's face each day, the anger inside when I see Louis or the utter guilt and pain that is clearly written across Louis' face.

I think it's Louis' face. It pains me to see him so sad even though I must look a hundred times worse. I've slept about three hours since Louis and I fought, which was 4 days ago. The mixture between exhaustion and emotional pain is having a huge impact on me. 

Today we have a interview and then we are heading to the studio to record. It's going to be a long day but it will be even worse with Louis right by my side. I can't hear sorry one more time or I might explode. We have to be ready early this morning but I don't really care, I haven't slept yet anyway. 

The van is waiting outside when I'm ready. Liam and Louis have already been picked up and are waiting in the van. Liam thankfully had taken the only seat next to Louis so I could just sit next to Liam. 

"Good morning" Liam chirped, bright eyed as usual.

"Morning" I groaned halfheartedly. 

In no time we were picking up Niall and then Zayn, who had a sour pout on his face that seems to be his signature look. 

We made it to the radio station where we will be having yet another interview, the screams are just as loud as they always are. This routine just seems so mundane, interview after interview getting asked the same thing. I wish we were back on tour, it's always fun and nothing is keeping me in London. London is actually my most hated place on the earth. Everything bad has always happened here, me and Louis are never happy here. 

The interview goes smoothly, no one makes note of Louis' silence and my depressive mood. We leave the station to yet another round of screaming girls. Back into the van and to the studio. Recording is fun so today might not be a complete downer. 

They aren't ready for us at the studio so we are allowed to get some lunch, we all know we are going to the Nando's down the street, it's where we always go when we record. There are too many fans outside to go ourselves so we send a assistant or something to go fetch us something.

I took a seat on the long leather couch and pray that Louis decides against joining me. I see luck isn't on my side as he quickly sits beside me, his thighs touching mine. If there was a vibe coming from me it was definitely utter awkwardness and disdain. Louis always knew how to piss me off and today is no exception. 

"Are we good Harry?" Louis stated calmly. I choked on my own saliva at Louis' comment.

"Are you joking?! We are so far from good!" I yelled absolutely bemused. Sadness fluttered across his face.

"Just get away from him Louis, he doesn't want you near him" Niall spoke calmly, trying not to start a fight with Louis. 

"He can't keep avoiding me forever, you do know we're in the same band?" Louis stated sarcastically, accompanied by his signature eye roll. For someone claiming to be sorry, he is still a smart ass. 

"He can do whatever he likes, now go away Louis" Zayn growled, standing over him intimidatingly. 

"Fine" Louis sighs, a true look of devastation crossing his face. I was just able to recognize it before he got up and stomped down the corridor.

The food came about five minutes later and it served as a good ice breaker between the remaining three boys and me. Our old dynamic returned, our joking and playfulness having a positive impact on my mood. 

Louis didn't return for food, he mustn't be hungry, or he could've found food elsewhere. Not that I care, I don't! I just hope he is eating. Just cause it affects the bad if be faints during recording, yeah it affects the band. 

*

Recording is long. Long and repetitive, but it's easy. I think if it was just me it would be boring, but something about recording with the boys makes it so fun. I really enjoy it. 

It took about four hours and we were on our way home. The mood had seriously lifted since the row with Louis, it's like the four of us are our normal selves, with Louis slowly staying behind in everything. Last to record, last to the van, but first out of the car. He must've told the driver to drop him off first, me and him are always the last two. 

The mood kinda shifts once he's left, Niall and Liam are clearly worried about him, where as Zayn must despise the ground he walks on. 

"You sure you can't forgive him?" Niall said in a tiny voice, a desperate plea for things to go back to normal. 

"I can't, not after what he said" I groaned exhaustedly, rubbing my tired eyes. 

"Haz, you know he didn't mean it, Zayn even said he didn't" Liam exclaimed, motioning his head towards Zayn as he spoke. 

"He didn't" Zayn muttered. 

"I know he didn't mean it, well I know now. But you can't just say that sort of stuff about the person you claim to love. Plus this isn't just about that, I've outgrown the whole him, me Eleanor thing. I'm done trying and I'm done with him altogether" I ranted, looking each of the boys in the eye as I spoke. 

Each of them just muttered "okay's" and "mhm's", obviously not wanting to start a fight. Then each of them were dropped off, Zayn last. Zayn left with a sympathetic pat to the back and a kiss to the cheek. 

And then it was just me.

Just me and my lies. 

And I've never felt so alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think x

**Author's Note:**

> This is kinda something I've been working on. I've got few chapters ready to go and I'd love to see what people think about it.


End file.
